Ah, women. So mysterious! So enigmatic! We have more layers than an onion. And men, poor, poor men. Left to figure us out all on their own. Sorry! We don’t mean to be confusing. We just are. While many of us strive to be honest, truthful, and forthright, we do not always tell the truth. That is the truth. Sometimes (gasp!), we lie. Most of the time, though, these are little white lies, half-truths told to keep the peace. Other times, our lies are a little bigger — say, for example, when the subject is sex. In honor of National Honesty Day, here’s a cheat sheet of the mistruths that are most likely to come out of a woman’s mouth, and what men can learn about the lies, the sweet little lies, that women tell. (Don’t worry — we’ve got lies dudes tell coming later today…)
1. ”I’ve slept with [X] guys.”
Maybe she rounds up. Maybe she rounds down. Maybe she can’t remember. Whatever the case may be, more than a few women have lied about how many sexual partners they’ve had. Maybe she feels self-conscious. Maybe her number is higher than yours. To increase the likelihood she’ll tell the truth, make her confess first.
2. “That was great.”
Listen, nobody’s pointing fingers. Sometimes bad sex is a no-fault proposition. But if it’s not good for her, it’s altogether possible she may not be enlightening you on that matter. Whether she’s just not that into it tonight or she’s just not that into you, it’s hard for some women to be frank about sex, especially when the news isn’t good. Rely on her body language instead.
3. ”I have never nor would I ever cheat on you.”
Do you remember that show on VH1, “Tough Love: Couples“? The number one cause of screaming fights? Cheating. Or, more specifically, lying about cheating. It’s not easy to tell someone when you’ve messed up; the fallout can be brutal. Remember: What you don’t know can spare you.
4. “I weight [X].”
Here’s the thing. Women don’t lie about their weight because of you. Their reasons for doing it have everything to do with them. Not all women lie about their weight, but some do, and they do it for all kinds of reasons. Because they want to weigh less, because they want to weigh more, because they’re not sure and that number sounds about right. Women and their weight are a mysterious relationship with which you may not want to interfere. Take her word for it.
5. “Sure, you can call me.”
Sometimes, when we’re face-to-face with a guy, and he’s asking us out on a first or for a second date, it’s tough to, er, woman-up and say, “You know what? Um, no.” We don’t want to be heartbreakers. We want to be nice. We’re sure you’ll get the message when we never call you back.
6. “I’ll be ready in a minute.”
Listen, if before you left the house to go out on a date, you had to shower, shave half your body, slather yourself in moisturizer, apply 99 overpriced products, put on several layers of makeup, flat-iron your hair, pick out the perfect outfit that makes you look sophisticated/sexy/spectacular, it would take you a long time to get ready, too. So, wait.
7. “I don’t know.”
We don’t know (ha!) if we’re going to get a lot of agreement on this one, but we are of the opinion that a lot of times when a woman says, “I don’t know,” she does, in fact, know. Women are intuitive like a nuclear power plant is radioactive, and it is upon our internal sonars that we rely. Mostly, we do know. We may not be ready to tell you.
8. “That was delicious!”
If you cooked, we don’t care how it tastes. We will tell you we love it. Love us for that.
9. “I’m fine.”
We’re going to go out on a limb here and suggest this is the single most common lie told by women to men. Or, you know, at the very least it’s the lie we’ve told most often to men. We are emotional creatures! Sometimes, we get upset! Maybe it’s because our Aries is in your Venus, maybe it’s because we got promoted at work and we’re scared as hell about living up to our own lofty goals, or maybe we’re in a mood. It’s up to you to figure out if you want to walk into our minefield or keep a safe distance away. Usually, your best bet is listening.
10. “It was on sale.”
It wasn’t. Deal with it.
Some MORE COMMON Lies AND What They Mean
The lie: 'I have a headache'
Similar lie: 'I'm tired'
The truth: 'I'm really not in the mood for this.'
Why do we tell this lie? Sometimes we just really don't feel like doing something. A headache is a more excusable reason for getting out of it rather than saying I don't want to.
The lie: 'I'll only be a minute'
Similar lies:'I'll just have a quick look in the shop.' / 'I'll be ready in 5 minutes.'
The truth: 'I know this is going to take much longer.'
Why do we tell this lie? We know they won't like the truth! Will he really go into the shop if he knows you plan on trying on everything you see?
The lie: 'I'm fine'
Similar lies: 'I'm not mad.' / 'You haven't upset me.'
The truth: 'I am mad but I don't want to talk about it right now!'
Why do we tell this lie? Sometimes we really are fine! But sometimes we get so annoyed that we're afraid talking will make things worse. Or, what's annoying us is really small and we'd feel a bit silly if we said it out loud.
The lie: 'It's what I've always wanted'
Similar lies: 'It's the thought that counts.' / 'You don't have to get me anything.'
The truth: 'I really don't like this, but I don't want to hurt your feelings.'
Why do we tell this lie? This one is for a good reason! We often lie and say we love the present, as we'd rather have a dodgy gift than a hurt partner (but it would be nice to get something gorgeous next time!)
The lie: 'It was on sale'
Similar lies: 'It wasn't that expensive.' / 'I only spent...' / 'It's not new, I've had it for ages.'
The truth: 'I spent more than I should have done, so I'll pretend it didn't happen.'
Why do we tell this lie? Even the best of us can't resist a little shopping splurge every now and again. The problem is, we feel guilty if we overdo it and hate showing this to our partner and facing their judgement. So it's easier to pretend it was a bargain.
The lie: 'I don't mind if you look at other women'
Similar lies: 'I don't get jealous.' / 'I completely trust you.'
The truth: 'I don't like it when you show interest in other women - it hurts my confidence.'
Why do we tell this lie? Even the most confident women feel a little pang when their man looks at someone else. We like to pretend we are relaxed, cool partners but deep down we don't like it!
The lie: 'Tell me the truth... does my bum look big in this?'
Similar lies: 'I want your honest opinion.' / 'I won't get mad.'
The truth: 'I need to be reassured so if you don't tell me exactly what I want to hear, I will not be happy.'
Why do we tell this lie? You can't ask for a compliment! Sometimes we feel a little unsure about our appearance and we need a little boost from our loved one.
The lie: 'I don't mind if we watch football instead'
Similar lies: 'I don't mind... if we're going to your mother's for the weekend.' / '... if you have your mates over to watch the footie .'
The truth: 'I really do mind but I'm not going to say it out loud.'
Why do we tell this lie? Despite what people say, women don't like to nag and say no to something he wants to do. We just hope he'll realise that we don't want to it all the time.
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