Q: Hi my name is Melisa. I’m 24-years-old and I always think I am very ugly. All the time I see images of these beautiful girls looking picture perfect in magazines and films and advertisements. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I just feel like not eating because I think I will put on weight. What can I do? It’s affecting me so badly that I am embarrassed to take off my clothes in front of my boyfriend or have sex with the lights on. What can I do?
The question has been answered by Rachel Hercman, a psychotherapist specialising in dating, sex and relationships.
It seems like you are suffering from negative body image issues. The term body image refers to an individual’s perception of his or her own sexual appearance. Today, it’s hard to feel beautiful, and for many women feeling beautiful and feeling sexy go hand-in-hand. The culture we live in makes it difficult for women to feel adequate physically, as everywhere you look—the movies, magazines, billboards – there are images of women that are unrealistic to attain. In many cases the images are photo-shopped to make the woman’s body look even more ‘perfected’ than it does in reality, but the knowledge that it’s photo-shopped doesn’t curtail its dramatic impact. Consequently, many women walk around with a negative body image and feel like they aren’t perfect enough to be beautiful and for many, this translates into insecurity in the bedroom.
You can improve your body image by trying this exercise.
Stand in front of the mirror (or if you’re not comfortable with that, sit in a comfortable position). Pick a body part you don’t like and try to think for a few moments about positive things about that body part. For example; if you don’t like your butt, concentrate on thinking about positive things your butt does for you, such as providing a cushion to sit. Focus on that feeling of gratitude and remind yourself that you are more than just your body. Developing a healthy body image is no easy feat, but if you can practice gentleness with yourself and surround yourself with positive messages, you will become more comfortable in your own skin.
Rachel Hercman, LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) is a psychotherapist specializing in sexuality, dating, and relationships. She works at the Medical Center for Female Sexuality in New York, a center that provides cutting-edge medical and psychological treatment for female sexual dysfunction, where she helps women improve their sexual functioning, body image and relationship satisfaction.
