Even during an intensely passionate hookup, it's normal for your mind to occasionally wander. Let us know how many of these random thoughts you can check off:
"Huh, well that is not what I expected." All those myths about being able to decipher penis size by a guy's feet or hands? All lies. Raise your hand if you've ever been completely caught off guard by what a man whipped out. Yeah, who hasn't?
"I cannot believe I spent $89 on this lingerie and he didn't even glance at it before taking it off." The store should offer refunds for inattentive boyfriends. That's it—it's all cotton all the way from here on out. Ugh, that's a lie…we love pretty lingerie.
"Wait, he wants me to put the condom on?" Is there even a way to do that sexily? This feels like a trap. Ninth grade health class, don't fail me now.
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"Wow, he really knows what he's doing—I wonder who taught him that?" Hey, you can't help but get a little curious when a guy is really amazing with his hands, mouth, or hips. They must have had an ex-girlfriend somewhere along the line who was awesome at giving constructive criticism. We should find her and buy her a drink.
"Is this dude seriously not going to return the favor?" Sure, pleasing your partner is incredibly hot, but it's usually not an entirely selfless move. You know the saying, "It's better to give than to receive?" Well they weren't talking about blowjobs.
"I bet Jon Hamm would be crazy-hot in bed." Hey, a fantasy is a fantasy! As long as you don't accidentally blurt this one out, we'd say there's no harm done.
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"Nope, that's not my clitoris…Yeah, that's not it either." Come on guys, it's not like finding Bigfoot. Sure, it's tiny, but it stays in one place—pretty much the same place on every woman. I feel like you're making this harder than it needs to be.
"So…remind me again what to do with his balls?" Experts and real men agree that his boys are craving some attention. But they're so…confusing. Maybe it's all those years of being told not to play with fragile things as children.
"Wait—was that my phone?" Text or email? Or was it an alert? Did I forget to send out that report today?! WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW?
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"OK, that's definitely a move he saw in porn." We're all about experimenting and trying new positions, but there are certain requests or contortions that are so obviously coming from a clip he watched earlier.
"No, no, no don't finish yet!" It's just a cruel joke that men are generally able to orgasm more quickly than women. Even with a warm-up, we may not hit the finish line before they do. And why is it always right when you're getting into an omg-this-feels-amazing groove that the guy is right there. Oh well, there's always round two.
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"Well, actually now this is taking a while and I have stuff to do." There's also the flipside to timing issues, when you're totally satisfied and your partner is the one holding up the show. We know we should be patient—just like we'd want them to be—but come on, we told you not to have that fourth beer.
*Radio Silence* We may be thinking about a whole lot during the act, but a body-tingling orgasm usually puts a lid on that pretty quickly. Seriously, one study found that the part of your brain involved in fear and anxiety just shuts down when you climax. Hey, we don't need to know exactly what's going on up there—we just know it felt amazeballs.
"How are you asleep already?!" Is the human penis somehow involved in sleep regulation? How is this even possible? I'm not even mad—I'm impressed.
All gifs courtesy of giphy.com
