The Canadian government formally warned three porn channels last week, saying they’re not Canadian enough. Yes, some bureaucrats monitoring the airwaves punched a few numbers into their calculators and said, “Ottawa, we have a problem.” But how exactly did they determine that? Did they not see enough maple-syrupy sex in a hockey rink? Not enough, “Harder! Faster!! Eh?”
Luckily, it looks like these bureaucrats were basically looking at the credits, not hardcore action. The agency regulating northern airwaves, the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission, requires all content broadcast by Canadian TV stations to be at least 35% Canadian. That works out to roughly an 8.5 hours of straight-up northern exposure a day.
To qualify as a Canadian program, shows must have Canadian producers and executive producers, and the director or lead writer must be Canadian, as well. The 1st or 2nd lead also needs to be Canadian — which could be hard to tell when assessing the Canadian content of “Quebecois Ménage A Trois.” (Say it, you won’t be sorry).
The program must also earn a certain number of “points” for having other Canadians on the payroll: production designer, director of photography, music composer, editor, etc. There are exceptions and loopholes, but suffice to say the rules are as complicated and unsexy as a 3-way with your ex and your best friend’s mom.
Meanwhile, the CRTC also demands at least 90% of content be closed-captioned — so somewhere, someone is getting paid to watch and transcribe “Poutine Poontang.” Imagine having that job: “Yeah, yeah, right there daddy, oh, oh! [squeals with ecstasy]”.
Canada has produced some serious adult-entertainment stars, including Pamela Anderson, Sunny Leone, Amy Anderssen, and Mark Ashley. But Leone’s break-out, “Sunny Loves Cher” is not Canadian, according to the CRTC.
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