1. "I'm sorry, but..."
Look, you might have reasons why you're still pissed off even though you feel bad for what you did, but now is not the time to say that sh*t! Because that basically just means, "I'm saying sorry ... but I don't mean it. Mwahaha." And that's how people get punched.
2. "I'm sorry you feel that way."
This is a cool move if you're trying to make the person realize you have no emotions at all and care about nothing and probably step on puppies on purpose. They "feel that way" because your actions made them feel that way! Saying this just makes it seem like you think they're crazy for having a totally normal response to someone being a d*ck. Not cool.
3. "Yeah, well, sometimes you ..."
I get it. Maybe in this disagreement, both parties were wrong in some way, or you feel like they should apologize for some stuff too. But this is not the way to do it. Bringing up what they did wrong so they will forget what you did wrong makes you sound like you are a 3-year-old sh*tbag. No one likes that.
4. "I know, I just ..."
"I know I slept with your boyfriend and that sucks, I just felt like..." OK, stop being the worst. That is not an apology. You can explain why you did it after you tell the person you are genuinely sorry for doing something so messed up and you understand why it hurt them. Plus, let's be honest, your "reasons" probably suck.
5. "You're making a big deal out of nothing."
If it's something to them, it should be something to you. Just because you don't feel bad telling your friend she looked fat in that dress because you were "just being honest" doesn't mean that being told she looked fat wasn't really hurtful. It really doesn't matter if you think she's overreacting because your friend is hurt and you hurt her and now it's your job to make her feel less hurt.
6. Getting mad because they're mad at you.
"Oh, you're gonna be mad at me for something I did wrong? Wow. Well, then, I'm about to severely overreact because I am not OK with your being mad at me and that makes me so mad!" Spoiler: This does not end well for anyone.
7. "Are you PMSing?"
Even if they are, no one is ever going to respond, "Oh, actually, yeah, I'm probably just on a hormone trip. Carry on!" No. They will get angrier because you are a patronizing asshole.
8. "I don't want to fight about this!"
You know what's a great way to get us to stop fighting about this? For you to acknowledge what you did wrong, then acknowledge how it affected me, then promise you'll be more mindful in the future. That could be cool. Just sayin'.
